The Art of Conversation

If there was ever a strategy to allow you to build relationships with others it is this strategy in particular. Most people think that a good conversationalist is one who can talk in a delightful way and one who can talk for long. The mistake here is  if you’re talking that means the other person is not and if they’re not talking that means there is really not much of an exchange of information. Where I come from we have a name for that we call it a one way conversation. The problem with one way conversations is that they tend to be bland. You’re basically hearing a person talk about themselves in order to satisfy their ego and spurt out whatever little knowledge they have. This is hardly the trait of a good conversationalist, a good engaging speaker will hardly speak if any about himself. He will actually take the other person in mind and be quiet. That’s right the best trait to engage in a good conversation is to listen.

The problem with listening is that most of us want to be heard we want to vent our problems to the first person that comes around. Which is understandable but if you want to be heard you first have to learn to hear others. I’m not saying this is easy in fact it is much harder than talking. It takes attention and willpower to be able to sincerely hear the other party attentively as we have a tendency even when we do listen we are planning what to say next.

This is why it’s rare to come around a good listener because it is much easier to talk than to listen. Listening is hard work but if you want to learn how to be a effective communicator it is an obstacle you’re gonna have to learn to overcome.  

Plus don’t look at it that way there is many benefits to being a good listener. Let me name you some benefits. When you are a good listener people will appreciate you more. The other person will feel as you have done a lot for them and might even say you gave them good advice when really they were the ones dominating the conversation most of the time. This doesn’t mean just being idle and not talking at all it means that when you’re being quiet you are sympathizing with the other person and seeing their point of view. This will allow you to ask really engaging questions that will allow the other person to continue talking. In other words you will be really interested in what the other person has to say. I’ve already used this quote before in another blog but I’m gonna do it again because it’s so important that it cannot be overstated.

“If you want to be interesting be interested”- Jay Abraham

The other benefits that come with being a good listener are that your attention span will grow as you have to focus constantly in what the other person has to say. You will be able to hold a conversation with almost anyone because who doesn’t like a person who doesn’t judge you and listens to you with attention? I know we all do, we all like a person like that. Listening will lead you to learn so much about the world and people around you. It will strengthen your relationships in all facets of your life including business,social and your family. You will be the go to person that everyone goes for advice to.

If you want to be a good conversationalist learn to listen and encourage the other person to talk more about themselves.